I was recently at a restaurant and overheard three women talking at the table next to me. I wasn’t ease dropping; it’s just that my husband took my son to the bathroom so I was left without conversation. One woman began to talk about the guilt she felt about not being able to visit a friend who just had her fourth baby. She said she was so busy that she hadn’t gotten around to really pay a visit and congratulate her. She felt horrible and was full of guilt. This made me pause, where was the self-compassion.
I’m sure this woman leads a busy life, works hard, and is dealing with her own stuff (aren’t we all!). Yet, she lets the guilt of not being able to reach out to friend eat away at her. My first thought was, why are you criticizing yourself? On the other hand, I thought to myself I bet you a million dollars that her friend, the mother of four, is home thinking about how terrible she feels for not reaching out to her friend to ask how she has been because she has been so wrapped up with children. She is probably at home criticizing herself.
This makes me wonder. Why do women often feel guilty about not being their best or doing their best? Where is the self-compassion. Think about a time you felt like you were sub-par. For example, my sister usually calls me every workday to check in and see what is going on. I often feel like my head is spinning during the week, even if I’m in the car driving to pick-up or to the grocery store, it’s rare that I think about calling someone because that can sometimes be my only alone time of the day. In other words, my sister shows the effort and she checks in on me. However, I feel terrible that I don’t always do the same. See what I did there, I’m feeling guilty. Why do we do this?
The Challenge
I have one challenge for you – practice self-compassion and encourage others to do so too. Next time you think about not being your best or doing your best, stop. Turn that into a timeline. Maybe you can’t see your friend who just had a baby, but when can you and reach out to confirm plans. Next time you think about a friend and how they are doing, take one second to send a quick text. Most importantly, next time a friend says “sorry I couldn’t…” stop her right away. We should be good to each other and understand that we are all trying our best each day.
